This week I watched a webinar given by a bestselling author and lifestyle guru, and she was wearing a hat. In her home office. What? The Indiana Jones-style fedora had panache, that is true. But a hat in a webinar? Then it struck me. Roots! She was hiding her roots.
With salons shuttered during stay-at-home orders, millions of women of a certain age are uncomfortable about their roots. (Did you know that 65% of women color their hair?) Most of us are not giving webinars for 10,000 viewers so don’t have to worry about mass judgment. But seeing those roots is disquieting.
Or could it be an opportunity? As I looked in the mirror this week, I wondered, “Is this my big chance to be released from the oppression of hair color?”
Ashton Applewhite, an activist and writer, recently tweeted:
Yes, we each need to age in our own way and at our own speed. No judgment, I swear. But if the world had any idea how many gray heads there are—2/3 of the world’s population?—and how beautiful we are, and how diverse, it would catalyze a mass shift in consciousness. Also, covering our gray is the main way we make ourselves invisible as older people, and when a group is invisible, so are the issues that affect it—starting with #COVIDAgeism.
Think of that: A collective boycott of hair coloring could result in a sea change of progress against ageism! Let’s do it! Ummmm…not so fast. Unfortunately, it’s complicated.
Showing your age at work can have repercussions
Are you up for what one of my friends calls, “the big fight?” Because ageism at work is real, and revealing yourself as older via your hair color may invite trouble. According to a 2018 study by ProPublica and the Urban Institute, 56% of workers over age 50 have been forced out of jobs before they would willingly have retired. So “showing” your age at work can be particularly scary.
Men and women work under different standards
In our culture, women may be held to different standards than men, with greater emphasis on looks–and youth. In a social media conversation I read recently, some women reported feeling “even more invisible” once they went gray. To be fair, though, it’s culturally acceptable for women to enhance their looks with hair color and makeup–and the products widely exist for women to do take advantage of this. Men don’t have the option.
Change is hard
Any major change may feel threatening, especially when it’s wrapped up in our identity. The prospect of totally changing the way I look is daunting. If bangs/no bangs is a decision women struggle with, imagine the decision to go gray. There’s no easy way to transition (highlights? lowlights? pixie cut?), so why add this pain to the many stresses that work already offers?
We are all different
There is no single right answer. As Ashton Applewhite tweeted, everyone needs to address their aging in an individual way. What’s right for you may not be right for me. In a perfect world, we would all be accepted for our choices, and they would not be held against us. Generational diversity at work is a value I promote. And an extension of this is that everyone has a right to approach aging in whatever way feels right. Including to gray or not to gray.
Are you old enough to remember that advertising slogan, “Only her hairdresser knows for sure?” I am. The presumption of the ad is that coloring your hair gives away your age, something we don’t want anyone to know. I’m wondering if I’m willing to let the world “know for sure,” including in the riskiest place of all–work.