The in-between is an uncomfortable place. It’s that nebulous and cloudy space between the past and the future. It’s uncertain. It’s anxiety-provoking. Sitting in the in-between, I have frequently found myself thinking, “How will this story end?”
Being unemployed is definitely the in-between, and boomers experience it differently from millennials. The older you are, the more uncomfortable that in-between place is. To borrow a tech term, when you’re of a certain age and in between jobs, you simply have a shorter runway. You face a compressed time-frame, one that has a distinct end. And the end of that runway is approaching fast!
A person in their thirties in between jobs sees a span of thirty years ahead. That’s a lot of wiggle room. There’s time to wait for the right role. There’s freedom to try different things. There’s opportunity to change careers. I don’t want to minimize the discomfort a thirty-year-old may feel in the in-between, because they may have very real financial pressures.
The stakes are even higher, though, for the older person. They may view their next opportunity as their last job. They may see themselves as unhireable due to ageism. They may fear making a wrong move because there’s little runway to alter course. And the financial pressures may actually be even greater than those of the millennial. Reportedly, 45% of baby boomers have no retirement savings. They may be completely dependent on the next few years to fund the rest of their lives.
Unfortunately, there’s no formula that dissolves the discomfort of the in-between magically. An old adage can apply here: “The only way out is through.” That said, I’ve found a few tactics that alleviate the stress a bit.
Take action, however small. I tend to fall into over-thinking, mulling, and worrying while sitting in the in-between. I try to find momentary motivation when I can to push myself to action, any action. When I take a baby step, that sense of progress fuels more steps. All of which is good for morale and sets me up for opportunities to come my way.
Find support. We all know how important self-care is. But it’s not about going to a spa. For me, self-care means I connect with others who empathize. For example, I might call a friend who’s in-between, too, even if it’s a completely different type of in-between. I’ve also found support in a handful of networking groups and an upskilling course.
Optimize for you. I’m a big fan of Gallup’s CliftonStrengths framework for assessing strengths and maximizing them. Think about what makes you feel most energized. For me, it’s learning and reading. So I dig deep into those areas. Playing into your strengths gives energy and makes the best of what you’ve got.
We’re all uncomfortable in the in-between. Consider this: Studies show that people would rather definitely get an electric shock now, than maybe be shocked later. They also show greater nervous-system activation when waiting for an unpredictable shock than an expected one. So is it any surprise that you’re feeling anxious as you await the unpredictable?
You are where a human would expect to be–anxious in the in-between. Yes, you can and should take some steps to relieve a bit of the uncertainty. But mostly, I’m afraid to say, you’ll need to accept the discomfort while carrying the hope and assurance that you will indeed one day reach what’s ahead for you.