Have you ever felt like a parent to your workmates, the proverbial adult in the room?
It’s not uncommon in tech companies, which are typically founded by young entrepreneurs with subsequent youth-heavy workforces, to have just a handful of older employees. According to Business Insider, most employees in the tech industry are in their late 20s. So when you’re the oldest person on a work team—by a decade or two or three—it can subconsciously put in motion the parent/child dynamic. Noticing this is an opportunity to reset to a more healthy, balanced relationship.
This came to mind recently because of comments made by Mark Zuckerberg, CEO of Meta (formerly Facebook), in a podcast interview with Tim Ferriss. Zuckerberg marveled that Sheryl Sandberg, Meta’s COO and ostensibly his business partner, was his current age when she started with Meta. “She practically raised me,” he said.
While this “parental” comment would usually be a red flag for me, Zuckerberg and Sandberg appear to have a very egalitarian partnership—at least from the outside. Over the years, both Zuckerberg and Sandberg have spoken openly about their age difference and the value that brings to each of them.
“Back in the day….”
In the old-school corporate environment many Boomers and GenXers are accustomed to, career paths are linear, a series of progressive promotions. This puts the older people at the top of the career path—and holding the most power—and maintains a balanced age spread within the company.
Startups are different. Often founded by young entrepreneurs, the most “senior” people at the company may be the younger ones, a flipped model from the traditional corporate environment.
This can feel uncomfortable and can set in motion some potentially unhealthy dynamics.
The power of language
So what’s wrong with thinking of yourself as a team parent, anyway? Language matters. This language sets up an unbalanced perception, no matter how well-meaning. When you think of yourself as the office’s “Team Mom,” for example, it harkens to soccer teams where the parent brings the snacks for the 8-year-old players. This is not the analogous culture you want to set up. Similarly, referring to young colleagues as “the kids,” subtly communicates that you don’t consider them peers. I’ve fallen into both traps, so I know it can be tempting. However, ultimately, language matters and should better reflect the type of relationship you’re trying to build.
The reciprocity of age
Chip Conley beautifully captures a healthy age-diverse work relationship in his book, Wisdom at Work: The Making of a Modern Elder. He describes his days as head of global hospitality at Airbnb, and how the learning with his younger colleagues flowed both ways. The younger executives came to him for mentorship on leadership—because the company had grown so fast, many had risen to key roles but had never had leadership training. By the same token, he turned to these younger colleagues for help with technology, an area where he had less comfort than they did.
“Being a Modern Elder is all about reciprocity,” Conley told Fast Company. “Giving and receiving. Teaching and learning. Speaking and listening.” When both parties in a wide-aged work relationship benefit, power is balanced and all ages can give their best and trust each other.
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio