I remember it clearly: We sat at the bar in Yardbird, a restaurant in the bowels of The Venetian, the only place we could get a seat for lunch during a trade show in Las Vegas. He said, “Yeah, my parents remember exactly where they were when Kennedy was shot: second grade.” I laughed on the outside but gasped on the inside. “Well, then I guess I’m exactly the same age as your parents,” I said, trying to hide my discomfort.
I didn’t need that milestone age-marker to have a sense that I was a full generation older than my co-worker. But it did quantify things and bring to the surface my potentially parental role at work. I didn’t like it.
Everyone thinks of their parents as being old, or at least older. And I certainly did not want to be perceived as old by this co-worker. More importantly, the teammate relationship is quite unlike that of parent and child. That moment cemented my commitment to creating a well-balanced relationship with this twenty-something colleague.
No one wants a team mom or dad at work. Not only does this set up an uneven power dynamic, but it thwarts one of the key benefits of multiple generations in the workplace: the synergies of disparate skill and experiences.
If you find yourself a generation (or two) older than your colleagues, a handful of techniques can help you avoid falling into the Team Mom or Team Dad trap.
Find cultural common ground
Follow baseball? Passionate about certain shows on Netflix? Have a travel bug? Find others on your team who share your out-of-work interests for peer-to-peer chatter. Avoid topics that highlight disparity, like flaunting a late-career standard of living (like your vacation home), or nostalgic replaying of decades-old experiences.
Check generational judgment at the door
This is a tough one but essential. If “That’s just like a millennial,” is a phrase your brain utters in a snide way, you’d do well to step back. If someone said, “That’s just like a Baby Boomer,” in that tone, you’d get defensive: “No, I’m an individual, and anyway, Boomers earned this.” There’s so much online writing today that generalizes about generations, which feeds stereotypes. If you treat people as individuals, you will have stronger peer relationships.
Ask for help
Parents are the ones with all the answers in families. You don’t need to do that at work. So put your pride aside and just ask when you don’t know something. You bring important experience to the table, but so do your young peers. An easy place to do this is with technology. Most any digital native will be flattered to be asked and eager to help, for example when you solicit advice on how best to set up notifications in that new productivity software your company is using. Your humility will encourage the same in others.
See the whole person
One of the values of a team offsite is to interrupt office patterns. It’s also an opportunity to see each other as people. When teammates work on something fun together–such as cooking a meal–the barriers of role and stereotype break down. Whether during offsites or back in the office, remind yourself that each individual you interact with is a whole, complex person with many of the same needs you have. No matter the age.
Embrace your age, but don’t wallow in it
We’re all uncomfortable when we see someone wearing a Speedo at 60, which may have seemed quite appealing when they were 18. The same applies to the vibe you project at work. It can be a turnoff to use too much millennial slang or to dress a part you’ve aged out of. Keep it timeless, inside and out. Your age doesn’t make you “parental,” your attitude does.
Sharing a birth year with your colleagues’ parents doesn’t give you permission to act like a team mom or dad. Appreciate what all individuals and every generation bring to the table, and you’ll enjoy productive, satisfying work relationships.